(rendered into English by Dr. Sista Shanta)
(continued from the previous issue)
Song:41:
“Mother! give me what I don’t ask or wish for”
I wrote this 41st song in 1959 in the month of March on 1st, 4th and 10th dates.
Usually we wish for what is auspicious and pleasant. But along with them come difficulties and even tears. The auspicious and pleasant will not exist exclusively. For example, we wish for and want promotion. But along with it rush in problems, difficulties and responsibilities. Along with what we desire the undesired too will follow.
“When we question what is “pain”, your answer is
responsibility.”
Mother! you bestow on your children responsibility
without pain!! Mother!!”
This is the first verse.
Mother! bestow on your children responsibility without pain.
You said “Providence or destiny is according to the ordinance.” But that providence or destiny is you Mother!. Kindly clarify that point. I prayed to you. “Please bestow on us a life of being ever young and immortal. Whatever destiny is designed for us, erase it and rewrite it. This way it would be good because you are the providence.
“Mother! please rewrite our destiny’ was my prayer.
“You are the essence of experience.”
Song :42:
This 42nd song was penned in two days – 9th and 10th day of January 1960.
“You are the essence of experience
Transforming earth into heaven
Making the sun and the Moon arise
At your divine feet -” is the burden of the song.
Mother gave me an incredible and phenomenal experience in 1956. God (Bhagavantudu) is male gender, Goddess (Bhagavathi) is female gender. I always wondered whether god is male or female.
Mother is my God. But Mother is a woman. Will there be a God possessing a male form? If He is there, is he greater than Mother or less than Mother? If God is a male, He also must have a mother. So, that Mother is this Mother (Jillellamudi Amma). Therefore, who is actually Mother? Who is God? Who is a Goddess? This is my – doubt.
As is won’t (my habit) I was lying down near Mother’s cot. Mother was lying down on the cot. It was night. Mine was neither a sleepy state nor a dream state. Mother manifested before me in all her original splendor bejeweled ornaments for the shoulders, upper arms, waist belt, hanging earrings, crown etc. The divine form appeared before me. I was spellbound. I did not even prostrate before her. In the meantime, suddenly near her feet, instead of the sari, a dhoti (a length of cloth worn by men) became visible and slowly the signs of a woman disappeared and a male figure appeared. The all auspicious (Sarva Mangala Devi) deity became a gentleman with thousand heads. (Sahasra Seershaa Purushaha – Vishnu). I was watching this transformation. What is this! How is it that Mother changed this way? Suddenly the feet disappeared. In their place there was brilliant light, as in the month of October November (Karteeka) there was a huge lamp that burns day and night (Akhanda Karteeka Deepam). The feet looked like luminous lamps. The brilliance spread upward till the waist. The mustache and the eyes disappeared. The head looked round like the radiant Sun. Slowly it became two parts and became the expansive eye. That brilliance pervaded the whole universe. Between the eyebrows in the center a red color found its place. That is it. Everything happened within ten minutes. I woke up, I became conscious. Perhaps my eyes were closed because I was to be blessed with the divine form. Even that I am not sure. I am not sure whether it was sleep or not. It just manifested itself. Here there is no place for the mind to play its role. No performance. I don’t know whether I placed my hand in Mother’s or not.
Later I asked Mother “what is this Mother?” “How do I know what it is dear? You should understand it because you have seen. That is what you saw, try and understand. Try to find out what you saw” She said. She did not explain anything. I tried to explain the – phenomenon to myself recalling the description of the Lord (Surya Shashanka Vahni Nayanam) eyes glowing like the Sun and the Moon. Prostrations to the lord who has Sun and the Moon as His eyes and fire in the space between the eyebrows (bhrookuti). A little below the center between the eyebrows which is the node where nine naadies (nerves) merge, there was a small hole. Blood spurted out and came down the nose. That is the third eye, the eye of fire (Agni Netram) for Mother. This is Her true form.
Later, when I saw Sri Venkateswara Swamy’s picture, I understood the significance. Both his eyes are almost covered with the white camphor paste and in between there is a red vertical line (Tiruchoornam). Both the male and the female forms are divine. There is no difference between God (the male form) and the Goddess (Devi – the female form) is what I understood.
I said “The sun and the Moon arise in the divine feet”. “Ravi” is the Sun and “Raju” is the Moon. Both have merged and became white incandescence. And the form of incandescence is Mother. This is the essence of experience.
“Who are you and what are you?
The entire universe is in your courtyard.
The sky is blessed by your benevolence.
Your inundating affection is experienced
in every home pouring out joy,
Showering well-being through her compassion filled
Eyes.”
“You are the essence of experience!!” – This is the first Stanza.
“Mother! the entire universe is waiting in your courtyard for your darshan, to find out who you actually are. You are gracious and compassionate towards all those who come to you. You give them food. You assuage their hunger, quench their thirst and bestow wisdom on them. Your affection and attachment have no boundaries. They overflow, you have become their deity and they place you in their hearts, and install you in their places of worships (Puja Mandir) in their home. With your cool compassionate looks bless them with your grace” – is my prayer.
“We are the weaklings without protection, or
Nourishment,
Protect us Oh! Mother! of innumerable children.
Like the bondless sky
There are no limits to your holiness and purity.
Let them fix their concentration on your form.
Their thoughts are caught in the whirlpool of pleasure
and pain in a slumberous state.
“You are the essence of experience” – This is second stanza.
Happy and unhappy events follow each other.
And for those who are caught in this whirlphool, there is a relief.
There is no one to bother about their well-being. A ninety year oldman and a little baby-both are your babies – like the pupils – of your eyes.
There are no boundaries to the sky. Similarly there are no limits to your purity. You are the purest of the pure. They have installed your holy auspicious image in their hearts. In you are their emotions of pain and pleasure in a state of slumber. Wake up those feelings by tapping on them and bestow on them whatever you wish them possess.
“You are everything is the ultimate realization
Everything is one (there is no other)
There is only equality and impartiality
There is only light without shadow in their mine
There are not many paths but only
One filled with moonlight.
In this universe, an abode of bliss
At your holy feet
Is my daily experience.
“This is the essence of experience” –
This is the third stanza.
At last I arrived at the conclusion that you are everything. I have no other thought. But others are at the other end. They have not developed total faith in you.
But you don’t distinguish. There is no partiality. For you, everything is equal and harmonious. There is bound to be shadow where there is no light. But Mother! you are the mine of light. Hence there is no place for shadows.
‘Jaadalu leni Jyotsnavanilo’ –
In the forest where there is the cool moon light of your compassion, there is only one path that will lead to you. There is only one right royal road. There are no other paths or directions. You are that mine of light. Therefore, all those that come here are looking forward to and anxiously and passionately waiting to come into your fold. They will come into the forest, enter this mine and enjoy the unbroken, unlimited bliss. Your feet are the abode of bliss. This is the truth eternal is my opinion.
(to be continued)