It is not uncommon that several questions keep coming and going in our minds about Amma. Some may find expression and some may not. Yet the questions don’t leave the mind unless the seeker seriously tries to find the answer, nay, the solution.
Some time back, it was contemplated that a question answer feature be introduced in Mother of All. However, not many attempted to put their internal conflicts in words. The Spiritual Scientist Sri VSR Moorti garu, a frequent visitor to Jillellamudi, who has seen Amma in his early childhood, who was in constant association with Bhagawan Satya Sai Baba for more than five and half decades and studied many spiritual personalities in the Country, has answered several questions that may arise in the minds of spiritual seekers vividly.
Readers are invited to interact with him for any further clarification through this feature. They may communicate through e-mail email@example.com
You visited Jillellamudi to participate in ‘Amma Tattwa Chintana Maha Sadassu’ after a long gap of 44 years. All those who are around Amma for decades were surprised to know that you had the Darshan of Amma at a tender age a number of times. What are your childhood memories of Amma?
I saw Amma when I was twelve years old. There were four or five people around. I was stopped by an elderly person when I tried to go in with inquisitive innocence. He asked me to stay out saying that he would send me in later. But even before he went inside, the words of Amma, “Bring him in, I only called him” were heard. Surprised, the elderly gentleman took me inside.
I saw Amma then!! She was seated on a small cot. She looked like my grandmother who always used to pleasantly smile. Amma was like the yellow chrysanthemum flower, turmeric mold and saffron flower…in splendor. With the memories of my grandmother, tears trickled from my eyes. Then she drew me close and sprinkling drops of scented water on my head said, “Both tears and scented water are water only. I am your mother and mother of your mother too”. She took a banana. While peeling the banana she said. “Unless you remove what is outside, what is inside cannot be seen. Unless what is seen is eaten, hunger does not subside. There is no peace to the being until hunger is satiated.” Saying thus, she fed me with pieces of the fruit. When I stretched my hand to receive the fruit, she said, “Amma likes to feed like this! Open your mouth!”
“How many times you must have recited Hanuman Chalisa! The grace of Raghubar Das is abundant on you!!” said Amma. While I was fed the fruit, I once again remembered my grandmother. She was alive but staying away. That was why she came to my mind.
“Do not go anywhere. You came only for me. You came along! Are you not afraid? Have food in the afternoon and go” said Amma.
I was with Amma till the afternoon. She was speaking for a while and keeping silent for a while. Deep silence prevailed when she was speaking. Eloquence was evident and distinct when she was silent.
Meanwhile it was time for food! She made rice balls and kept on putting them in my mouth….again exactly like my grandmother! Were her fingers getting soiled with my saliva? But I did not express it. “What is there that is not touched by Brahman! Mother likes and wants it this way. This is for my satisfaction” said Amma enigmatically as if reading a thought. A little while later she suggested that I may leave by that evening.
Before leaving Jillellamudi, I went into her room and had a darshan, the celestial. The cot on which she sat was like the throne of the universe. She was like the “Tripura Sundari”, the immensely captivating deity presiding over the three states sitting cross legged.
The big round vermillion mark in between her eyebrows was like the Sun shining on the East. The long line of beautiful bangles she wore on both the hands was like the primordial sound. The silk sari she wore was like the eight directions enveloping her.
“You are for me, I am for you” she said pleasantly and gave me a bunch of grapes and a ten rupee note. She stood up, came out and saw me off….
As I recapitulate,
‘She called me inside while I was outside even before she saw me! While saying that she was my mother and my grandmother too, she also revealed that I grew up with my grandmother! Grandmother is obviously the mother of mothers!!” | reflected.
Who told her that I recited Hanuman Chalisa countless times? How does she know that I started reciting Hanuman Chalisa by the grace of Sri Avadhutendra Saraswati Swamiji (Sri Raghuvaradas)? How did she know that I was alone?
I realized later that she knew everything!
I went to ‘see’ her but received her Darshan. Darshan is different from mere seeing!!
I regarded her as Amma from that moment. I cherished her form as Amma, the mother who drew me on to her lap and fed me morsels of food, then as the Devi wearing all ornaments, trident and gave Darshan in later years.
Whenever I visited Amma, she ensured that I sat next to her, allowing me to observe how she interacted with the visitors and how visitors received her grace through her acts and interactions.
In the vedantic parlance this sanction by Guru is called ‘Aparokshanubhuti’.