Devotees of Amma know that ‘Mahopadesam’ is now available in English titled “Divine Play of Amma Initiation as Revelation”. Amma’s grace sustained me throughout my attempt to render the book into English. It was the toughest job I had so far undertaken. The following are some reflections I would like to share with you all.
In retrospect, I am not sure that the original and its overall ambience are there in the translation. Perhaps, I should also reveal the fact that at many places I despaired: am I making the spirit of the original available to the readers? The reader who has no knowledge of Telugu, I mean. For the reader who knows Telugu, there is no problem. S/he can go directly to the text. For me there was tremendous anxiety throughout the attempt at translation. There exist nearly two or three versions (I must say that the help Sri T.S.Sastry and Sri Kesava Sarma gave me, remains both invaluable and irreplaceable).
Another thing which bothered me was the non-Telugu readership. Psychologically, I had in mind only the English knowing reader, and specially the ‘non-Indian’ one. How will an English or American reader think of this? Will it be acceptable to them? Is the idiom intelligible in “my” English? Moreover, will the very perception of Divine Play Leela make sense? Isn’t it specifically Indian (Hindu) faith and belief?
One more aspect also should be brought to your attention: the Telugu text contains some pauses, “gaps” or ellipses (blanks to be filled). To understand and connect, one needs help from non-verbal communication: gestures, intonations and their variations; above all, the play on words etc. The Telugu text certainly helps. How does one manage in English translation? Language teachers are fond of phrases and paraphrases. Should I paraphrase Amma’s words? In that case, I run the risk of interpreting and attributing “my” views to the text, to Amma’s words. If I don’t help, how will the reader get at the nuances of the text?
Finally, what will the senior devotees and close associates of Amma feel? They have greater and more intimate, intuitive perception of Amma’s life and teachings. I am a novice. Though
I could have had darshan of Mother, I did not have that blessing. My acquaintance is only with the printed words. And though they are authentic, it is possible that the author’s views crept into the records. (Possible, please note,. I don’t mean that the accounts are not authentic).
။
Then the releasing function came and it was a deeply moving experience. To see so many devotees and admirers was, in itself, a spiritual treat. My mentor Sri Ram Sir was there and Swami Tattvavidanandaji’s discourse simply enchanted me. His wide-ranging scholarship apart, the revered Swami brought new insights to my little understanding of Amma’s significance in the spiritual tradition of our culture. Specially, his acute, incisive exposition of Advaita vis-à-vis Amma opened up new perspectives. Sri Ram’s silence reigned supreme, as usual.
Slowly, I realized (or became aware) how wrong I was about my doubts and misgivings. Now, the first thing that struck me was: if I really have faith that everything happens in tune with Amma’s well-ordinated plan, is there room for anxiety? “I” have done what “I”, as an instrument in Amma’s hands, has to do. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. I was startled at my deep-seated ego which I thought I had surrendered! If I kept Amma as my ideal don’t you think I would deal with the ‘I’ first? “Do everything that is possible, in all possible ways, leave the rest and rest in God”, said Sri Ram Sir. How did I forget it?
Now, even my forgetting it, is Amma’s play. For, as T.S. Eliot the English poet has said, “human kind cannot bear very much reality”. It is, I suppose, not forgetting as such. Nothing in Nature is forgotten or nothing remembered forever. So, I now reason, the translation, the release of the book and other things happened exactly as they ought to happen. That’s the fact: the rest are my emotive responses, engendering thoughts corresponding to these emotions. They are also needed.
Moreover, instead of absorbing the insights found in the great encounter between Amma and Rajamma, why should I worry myself about a hypothetical reader’s response, whether Indian or British or American? Even if the rendering is haphazard, they are lispings of a child of Mother. They have their own charm and use.
Even otherwise, can words, however exact, convey what Amma’s presence means? It includes her words but goes beyond words. The radiant interiority of experiencing Amma’s presence begins only when words and meanings are overcome. Isn’t it?
Another significant aspect came to me from revered Tattvavidanandaji’s insights. He brought insights from Advaita to look at Amma and thereby suggested how the traditional spiritual darshanas are corroborated by contemporary manifestations of the Divine, especially of Amma. He highlighted how traditions can illumine the uniqueness of a luminous figure like Amma. I felt that these insights need to be reflected upon in depth as part of our own meditations on Mother. And the revered Swamiji spoke in English, so chaste and exact. This set my misgivings about English at rest. After all didn’t Rajaji say that “English is the greatest gift of Goddess Saraswati to India?” Isn’t Amma herself the Saraswati for us?
Sri Ram Sir’s silence – he didn’t speak a word always challenges my addiction to words! I now feel that this silence illustrates and illuminates many aspects. Isn’t experience as such beyond words? For, words “slip, slide, perish and do not stay in place,” as T.S.Eliot says. When the experience of Ultimate Reality cannot be expressed in words, then the only language which expresses it is silence. I do not know whether I am right or wrong. But to remain silent is itself a way of drawing our attention to the fact that in ‘Geethopadesam’ (as in all that Amma spoke) one has to locate significance only in the silence between words.
I recall a statement in Yoga Vasishta: a person who perfects silence conquers seven worlds. Indeed s/he is the emperor of all the worlds. I now feel that it is this silence – if I am able to sense it which will dissolve all the doubts I tried to share with you in the beginning of this essay. Therefore there is nothing odd when in a group of speakers on the stage, the one who remains silent is vibrantly articulate.
IV
Often reversal of a holy name or word leads to retrieval and redemption of a person. A dacoit reversed Rama as ‘Mara’ and got transfigured into Valmiki. Similarly, Sri Ramakrishna said that the essence of the Gita is perceived when you reverse it: “tagi” which means ‘renunciation’ or desirelessness. The same pattern is found in the Amma – Rajamma encounter. The teacher disciple relation gets reversed. The ardent desire of Rajamma, the guru, is reversed. She is made to gently learn that a teacher of teaching has to be a learner of his/her own teaching.
To sum up: the doubts which assailed me about translating Amma’s conversation had found their dissolution in the very manner, the tone and tenor of releasing the book. That is, for me, a miracle of Mother’s love. In fact, what is a miracle except (to paraphrase Sir) an encounter between divinity and the devotee. I hope I am a devotee!