MOMENTS OF BLISS
We have recently celebrated Amma’s 85th birth anniversary. In this connection I would like to share some joyous moments of mine I had enjoyed in the year 1970 on Amma’s birthday. Here are some thoughts that have been permanently stored in my heart of hearts. In those days I used to confide each and every feeling of mine to my diary which used to be my soul-companion even after 37 years. When I think of those days, I feel so happy and excited.
17th April 1970 was a golden day for me as I was blessed by Amma to witness and partake in the grand event of birthday celebrations. On the 13th of April, I arrived at Jillellamudi from New Delhi after traveling for one and half days. That was my first venture of traveling alone to a distant village by changing at Vijayawada and again a journey by car from Bapatla to Jillellamudi. My mind was a mixture of apprehensions, doubts and joy. Earlier I visited the place along with my parents and had all the support and courage. But this time, I was alone, totally stepping on an unfamiliar land and among unknown people. Still, an inner voice was constantly running into my ears saying “I am with you. You have come to your mother’s house, be calm and happy”.
At about 8 a.m. I landed at the threshold of the holy land of Jillellamudi. My whole being top to bottom filled with an – inexplicable joy and tears were rolling down my cheeks. Lo! Amma had put a stop to my blissful mood. I could not have Amma’s darshan till evening; I had taken a vow not to take any food till I had Amma’s darshan. Hence, I ate nothing. Two days of journey, totally new environment and disappointment of not having Amma’s darshan made me weak and distraught. But, this mental state had been changed with one glance from Amma in the evening, while She was getting into the car for the Pujas at Hymalayam. The glance was only for a couple of seconds or so. But, I have no words to express my joy and contentment. Believe it or not, all the weakness, loneliness and disappointment vanished like morning dew. The whole crowd proceeded towards Hymalayam and I was one among
them. But once near the gate, I could not enter the premises and was pushed back by the crowd. With great difficulty I could control myself without falling down. In the meantime a brother was calling my name speaking in Telugu “Who is Delhi Ushakkaiah here? Amma is asking her to come” – I could not believe my ears. That brother took hold of my hand and took me safely to Amma’s Lotus Feet. While distributing the prasadam Amma gave me a larger quantity saying “you haven’t eaten anything since morning! Have this and later take your regular meals!” With these words of nectar from Amma, I was on cloud nine. All of us at one time or the other must have had these kinds of moments to treasure. Thus ended my first day at Jillellamudi.
14th April, 1970 dawned with hope and anticipation. I was only praying for Amma’s darshan for a longer and leisurely time. But what was in store for me had stunned me. Along with the other devotees, I too went up to her abode. After the general Darshan, I was asked to stay back. I was a little uneasy and frightened. Then, I was called into the hall where Amma gave Darshan to Her children a little while ago. I was alone with Amma. She fed me with morsels of curd rice and took me into her lap. I was completely flabbergasted and taken into a new world. I forgot who I am and where I am, my past lamentations or future hopes and aspirations. The tranquil and bliss that I was in was interrupted by Ramakrishna Annayya’s entry as he was to accompany Amma to Hymalayam for conducting some Pujas. When I lifted my head from Amma’s lap, I saw some bright rays traveling from Amma’s eyes towards me. That gave me immense courage and contentment. I had spent a lot of time on that day in the Holy presence of Amma enjoying the bliss of Mother’s Grace.
15th April, ’70 happened to be Sree Rama Navami. The festival was celebrated on a grand scale. Brothers and sisters worshiped Amma as Lord Rama. Brother Dr.Achanta Kesava Rao and his wife offered special Poojas to Amma, as it happened to be his birthday. Once again Amma showered me with Her benevolence and Grace. A brother from Bandar Lanka (East Godavari Dist. A.P) did not have food for the whole day or more. So Amma fed him with her own hands and along with him, she graced me also by feeding the curd rice. On 16″ also, I was blessed to stay in Amma’s presence for most of the time. The whole night, I sat watching Amma and having visions of Amma in different postures and moods.
At last, the day for which I have been waiting and longing had arrived – Amma’s birthday, the 17″ April 1970-I had pined for days together to participate in this great festival. Amma heard my prayers and granted me the boon.
Right from the Sree Rama Navami festival, people were thronging from different places. The pandals and the premises were filled with various types of persons, with children’s chirping and mischief and hubbub. On the birthday, at about 3 a.m., the Nadaswaram players started melodious music and each and everyone was woken up to participate in the festival. The day started with ‘Suprabhatam’. The whole arena was decorated very colorfully. The dais where Amma was to give darshan to Her innumerable children was like paradise on earth. At 9 a.m. Amma came down to accept the first offering of Puja by Dr. P. Subba Rao and his wife. They anointed her with ol and worshiped Her. She blessed them and many other devotees Thus started the exciting festival. After this ceremony Amma went indoors. The Sun was climbing up and the early summer heat was becoming unbearable. But the people were unmindful of the heat or any other discomfiture. Each one was vying with the other in the service to Mother directly or indirectly. More than ten thousand people were fed with a delicious and sumptuous lunch. After confirming that all had their lunch, Amma adorned the decorated seat dressed in a grand sari and jewelry. Her face had a divine glow and Amma was Love and affection personified. The highlight of that day for me was when Amma presented me with a pen and commanded me to cover the day’s events and prepare a report for publication in the monthly magazine, “Matrusri’ English journal. What a valuable gift she had presented to me! With this opportunity I had a chance of staying the whole day with Amma and having Her Darshan at close quarters. After the elaborate Poojas, Amma returned to Her quarters at about 7.30 p.m. The gathering with a blissful mood started towards the pandals for taking the prasadam (evening meal).
Jayaho Matha