In the previous issue I had given you an account of my first visit to Jillellamudi and my state of mind while staying over there. As was the custom, Amma gave us prasadam, tirtham, kumkum and permission to leave the place.
Before going to Delhi, we had a short stay at our hometown Kakinada. Amma’s influence on my mind started working like a magic wand. The pair of eyes from Paradise started haunting me unceasingly right from the moment we departed from the premises of “House of All”. The few words that Amma uttered to me were ringing in my ears continuously. I was filled with joy as well as sorrow from three fourth only, for having the Darshan of an embodiment of Love and compassion; sorrow for leaving that embodiment before I could count a hundred.
From Baptala, we reached Kakinada and stayed over there for a few days. During that period my mental condition was very strange. A sort of resignation descended upon me. I used to hear two voices from within – one asking me to go back to Amma and take shelter at Her holy feet; another voice giving contradictory advice of not to surrender to momentary emotions and take hasty decisions and regret at a later stage. This mental torture made me restless and helpless all through our stay at Kakinada. Finally, the second inner voice succeeded and dragged me back to Delhi, my seat of stay and work. Right from day one I started reading literature on Amma and some of Amma’s sayings have started working on my thinking and behavior. The saying “What is desired will not happen; what is destined (for you) will happen” has convinced me a good deal. But, my restlessness did not stop by getting convinced with the above saying.
We were back at the pavilion and got busy in attending to the normal routine of life; though mechanically I was attending to my official and domestic chores. Yet the inner struggle to take a proper decision to seek shelter at Amma’s lotus feet or to stick to the routine life I am leading continued subconsciously. Even to this day, after 35 years, when I think of Amma’s method of transforming human minds, I am filled with awe. Without much of my effort or practice, She brought me a miraculous change. Many a struggle of mine was ended with a few thoughts of concentration on Amma’s Lotus Feet. Those thoughts used to guide me on the right path and make me tread this path. As for most of us, life is not a bed of roses; mine was no different. Those days used to be full of stresses, disappointments and strains. Strangely, in moments of unbearable physical and mental pain, a sweet voice used to murmur into my ear. I will take care, don’t worry. After I experienced this situation several times; I was convinced that Amma is with me, I need not leave everything and run away from the duties allotted to me by Amma.
Here is an incident which gave me a stronger conviction that Amma is sheltering me at every moment of my life. As mentioned earlier, I was working with All India Radio. Apart from the job, I had registered for a Ph.D. (external). I was overburdened with different activities and with pursuing some hobbies. With the: result, I had developed a severe headache (a sort of migraine) , taken several medicines, went for neurological examination etc; but to no avail. While having one of such attacks, I was awake for a longtime in the night suffering unbearable pain. After midnight the Goddess of sleep took pity on me and lulled me into. a sound sleep. Suddenly, I felt a heaviness on the middle of my head and could see two adorned feet. And, believe it or not, the pain vanished and the whole being became light as a feather; I was in this condition for a short while and awoke with a start. Since that moment, I had not suffered any headache; More than freedom from chronic headache, my mental state also started. changing rapidly. I could take the various hurts resulting from official pin-pricks and from other sources with a balanced attitude.
After a longtime, Amma had taken me to Jillellamudi to drink the nectar of Her Love. While I was granted a personal audience with Her, I narrated to Her about my chronic headaches and the feet I had seen and experienced during my sleep. She put both Her feet on my head and asked me whether the feet were like this; I was dumb struck; the feeling and lightness of the head was exactly the same. Removing the feet from my head she very softly commented “You are like Hyma. She too used to suffer from severe headaches”. After uttering this, She was very silent and gave me a feeling that Her gaze was penetrating a far away land beyond my reach. Before concluding. I would like to stress the point that with Amma’s feet of flesh and blood on my head, She blessed me with a guideline to my future life.
In the previous issue I had given you an account of my first visit to Jillellamudi and my state of mind while staying over there. As was the custom, Amma gave us prasadam, tirtham, kumkum and permission to leave the place.
Before going to Delhi, we had a short stay at our hometown Kakinada. Amma’s influence on my mind started working like a magic wand. The pair of eyes from Paradise started haunting me unceasingly right from the moment we departed from the premises of “House of All”. The few words that Amma uttered to me were ringing in my ears continuously. I was filled with joy as well as sorrow from three fourth only, for having the Darshan of an embodiment of Love and compassion; sorrow for leaving that embodiment before I could count a hundred.
From Baptala, we reached Kakinada and stayed over there for a few days. During that period my mental condition was very strange. A sort of resignation descended upon me. I used to hear two voices from within – one asking me to go back to Amma and take shelter at Her holy feet; another voice giving contradictory advice of not to surrender to momentary emotions and take hasty decisions and regret at a later stage. This mental torture made me restless and helpless all through our stay at Kakinada. Finally, the second inner voice succeeded and dragged me back to Delhi, my seat of stay and work. Right from day one I started reading literature on Amma and some of Amma’s sayings have started working on my thinking and behavior. The saying “What is desired will not happen; what is destined (for you) will happen” has convinced me a good deal. But, my restlessness did not stop by getting convinced with the above saying.
We were back at the pavilion and got busy in attending to the normal routine of life; though mechanically I was attending to my official and domestic chores. Yet the inner struggle to take a proper decision to seek shelter at Amma’s lotus feet or to stick to the routine life I am leading continued subconsciously. Even to this day, after 35 years, when I think of Amma’s method of transforming human minds, I am filled with awe. Without much of my effort or practice, She brought me a miraculous change. Many a struggle of mine was ended with a few thoughts of concentration on Amma’s Lotus Feet. Those thoughts used to guide me on the right path and make me tread this path. As for most of us, life is not a bed of roses; mine was no different. Those days used to be full of stresses, disappointments and strains. Strangely, in moments of unbearable physical and mental pain, a sweet voice used to murmur into my ear. I will take care, don’t worry. After I experienced this situation several times; I was convinced that Amma is with me, I need not leave everything and run away from the duties allotted to me by Amma.
Here is an incident which gave me a stronger conviction that Amma is sheltering me at every moment of my life. As mentioned earlier, I was working with All India Radio. Apart from the job, I had registered for a Ph.D. (external). I was overburdened with different activities and with pursuing some hobbies. With the: result, I had developed a severe headache (a sort of migraine) , taken several medicines, went for neurological examination etc; but to no avail. While having one of such attacks, I was awake for a longtime in the night suffering unbearable pain. After midnight the Goddess of sleep took pity on me and lulled me into. a sound sleep. Suddenly, I felt a heaviness on the middle of my head and could see two adorned feet. And, believe it or not, the pain vanished and the whole being became light as a feather; I was in this condition for a short while and awoke with a start. Since that moment, I had not suffered any headache; More than freedom from chronic headache, my mental state also started. changing rapidly. I could take the various hurts resulting from official pin-pricks and from other sources with a balanced attitude.
After a longtime, Amma had taken me to Jillellamudi to drink the nectar of Her Love. While I was granted a personal audience with Her, I narrated to Her about my chronic headaches and the feet I had seen and experienced during my sleep. She put both Her feet on my head and asked me whether the feet were like this; I was dumb struck; the feeling and lightness of the head was exactly the same. Removing the feet from my head she very softly commented “You are like Hyma. She too used to suffer from severe headaches”. After uttering this, She was very silent and gave me a feeling that Her gaze was penetrating a far away land beyond my reach. Before concluding. I would like to stress the point that with Amma’s feet of flesh and blood on my head, She blessed me with a guideline to my future life.