(rendered into English by Dr. Sista Shanta)
(Continued from the Previous Issue)
“Who is the prop Mother? who will bestow kindness Mother” My 23rd song written on 24-9-1957 starts with this burden of the song. There is an experience and an inspiration behind this song. Mother accepted pleasure and pain cheerfully. Her mantra for whatever befell was “yes”. Her body had been contused (because of suffering). She became fragile like porcelain doll. The fear that any moment Mother could disappear suddenly from the world haunted me incessantly. I could not console myself and accept the fact that Mother was suffering of her own will and with equanimity. If she so desired all her suffering will disappear in a flash. So I argued with her. But Mother would say “whatever should happen at a particular time will alone take place. Let it be, what do I lose? I do not consider it as an event causing pain.” May be she is right. But to watch her suffer was very painful for me. Arguing from a different angle she said “When I myself am the embodiment of pain how can pain harm me?”.
If a small berry like the soap nut or a gooseberry falls on the head of a tiny baby who is only a few days old the baby experiences intense agony. But if an apple or even a coconut falls on a wrestler or a body-builder he would be unaffected as if a soft jasmine had fallen on him. For an ant a gourd or a melon appears like a mountain. I tried to convince myself that I am like the ant or the day’s old baby. But my mind refused to accept this explanation. Therefore I began my silent battle with Mother. “If this is the way, I will not come to Jillellamudi. I am going, “so saying I left Jillellamudi in a huff in 1957 August.
But not to see Mother was a greater torture and misery. I tried to stay away, almost gritting my teeth. Also if I go back it is humiliating. Ultimately I accepted defeat. We realize the value of a person or an object only when it is away from us. Compelled by her bond of love I came back to her in 1958 January and surrendered myself to her.
Infact my silent combat must have hurt Mother more. I knew the path I chose was not the right one. I was very stupid and stubborn. Mother’s body and soul must have received many gashes from the perverse actions of many children like me, but as Mother she never deviated from the path of Dharma and showered her motherly love till the end. Adi Shankaracharya’s statement “a wicked son can be born but there can never be a wicked Mother” is true to the very letter and spirit in Mother’s case.
For about 20 weeks I kept myself forcibly away from Jillellamudi. It is during this period, the twilight hour, I wrote this song. Sri Gangaraju Venkateswarlu used to visit Mother every alternate week. He lived in Chirala. He used to be in Jillellamudi from Saturday night to Sunday night. In the meantime I used to compose a song and he would take it to Mother and sing.
A kite without a thread (to held)
A bubble in the rain
A boat is tossed and turned
Losing its way in a mighty storm For those who are the prop Mother?
This is the first verse. Water in a stone, honey in a flower can be present only because of the universal Mother’s compassion. A dry leaf in a whirlwind and a boat with a crack in its bottom struggling in the storm in the middle of the sea. Who takes care of these? Mother who is visible and the Brahman who is invisible. She is the Sanjeevani i.e., the cordial that revives the dead and brings them back to life. She is the Supreme Knowledge (Paratatvam).
Everything is born in her, grows in her
Everything merges into her
When she is not there nothing is there. She is the Mother, all in all for the Earth.
This is the second verse, Mother emphatically declared “all of you are born within me, grow within me and merge into me.” To illustrate this statement she gave the example of the waves and the ocean. With wind the water in the ocean becomes waves and a little later it merges back into the ocean. So are our lives. The difference between the ocean and the wave is only the form. Otherwise they are one. Similarly there is no difference between the Universal Mother and the Universe.
The seed emerges from the earth, grows into a tree with the support of the earth and finally becomes one with the earth. Similarly the beings take birth from her, grow with her support and finally merge into her. Once a lady asked Mother about late Chidambara Rao Garu (Mother’s Grandfather) where is he Mother? Mother promptly replied, “where else can be? In my own belly.” Mother holds the entire universe in her belly.
(to be continued…)