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INNER VISION – XXVII

Mannava Bucchiraju Sarma
Magazine : Mother of All
Language : English
Volume Number : 19
Month : October
Issue Number : 4
Year : 2020

(rendered into English by Dr. Sista Shanta)

“This burden is beyond endurance” is my 29th song. I composed it in two days, 8th and 9th of December, 1957, in Guntur. Mother!

This burden is beyond endurance

 The heavy saga of life

is the burden of the song. This song contains my life story and my anguish too. I have neither physical stamina nor financial support. It can help Mother in no way. There is no hope that Mother will be cured of her ailment within a specific period. Mother has immense energy. That is the reason why I hold on to her feet so tightly. In other words, I surrendered myself to her totally. The series of ailments and the resultant lacerations that she suffers from, make us wonder will she be with us for long? Or will she suddenly wind up before time, reducing her longevity? This is my fear. This precious Mother will disappear from our midst forever is the dreadful thought that hounds me and creates mental agony constantly.

My songs are not mere eulogies and flatteries of a courtier. Every song of mine is based on the experience Mother has given me. The usage of language, the literary wealth and the fervent and formidable thoughts distinct and forceful, are not mine actually. To accost those who torture Mother, I am not equipped. I do not possess either power or competence. I am like a withered flower.

I searched for you the entire world and waited

With a barrier on my chest, neither can I search for you Nor can I survive. (This burden is beyond endurance.) This is the first verse.

Mother extremely competent – is the faith that has on one side but on the other I doubt whether the body will continue to exist. I am caught in this state of duality and suffer. If a railway engine were to come with force and dash against Mother, it is the engine that will break into pieces. It will come to a sudden halt. But the suffering that Mother is going through – I cannot be a witness and survive.

This life is like a desert without even mirages.

There is hope for at least a sand storm.

This desire cannot be done away with

“This burden is beyond endurance”

This is the second verse

A mirage does not contain water. In a dreary (sand) dune like life, this remarkable lady, who herself is an embodiment of supremacy wishes for a sand storm in her life. This may not be a burden to carry for her. But to me who is an ordinary mortal – ‘ the little man’ even to watch mother suffer it is a millstone around my – neck. “When a crude slab of stone is chiseled it turns into a beautiful (statue) artifact. Similarly the suffering in life makes it vibrant.” These words of Mother are not mere platitudes. They can be the experience of any one.

In this pitch darkness of the night 

In the confluence of coalence of two eras 

Standing alone in the battle

 Neither can I fight nor can I run away.

This is the third verse.

Composing songs is the only medium that I have to muse about Mother. And even this medium is chosen by Mother. Though I want to convey my thoughts, I cannot travel alone during night time. If someone attacks me on the way, I cannot fight back. At the same time I cannot be a coward and retrace my steps.

This is the twilight hour – an interim time between two eons. People did not understand the whole truth about Mother. Small glimpses one gets about her. More time is needed to understand the whole truth about Mother. Once one becomes aware of what Mother is, people will comprehend what I am talking about. Even then I won’t be able to convince everyone. And Yet I cannot stop myself from trying to convince them, I cannot be a coward and run away from this task of making them see the truth.

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