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Leaves from the Arkapuri Diary

Magazine : Matrusri English
Language : English
Volume Number : 2
Month : November
Issue Number : 8
Year : 1967

A VISITOit rame from Pelanandipatu He came here last month. He read through the past embel of Matrisri and he wanted to ask Mother some questions, but lefs that time without a word. This evening, when other came into the hall after Her usual bath, he started asking Her

“Why do we come here and why do we go, I am not able to understand, Mother.”

Mother: Come nearer child! What is it you said?

Visitor: Why do we come here!

Mother: You said

you came for Darshan? Visitor: Yes; but I don’t understand the meaning of all this.

Mother: That which prompted you to come here, That which made it possible for you to have darshan, That itself will make you understand. Whatever you do, That alone makes you do it. We can name it just as we like, God, Energy. Nature, anything. We do what It makes us do. Your desire to come here is only due to Its initiative. Your doubt is inspired by It. Every action is owing to That only. 

Visitor:When would I realize that?

Mother: When the time arrives! You were born long ago. It is only years after, that you have developed this desire to understand the unknown. And this doubt which you now expressed did not arise along with your desire to come here. When you first heard about Jillellamudi, you wanted to come here but could not come immedi ately. All these months, you were longing to see me but you could not come here till the moment arrived. And again, you didn’t ask this question on your first visit, did you? For each of these incidents its parti cular moment had to arrive. It is just the same for the clearance of this doubt too! That which initiated your coming here. That which has created these appa rently insoluble problems, That alone will clear doubts when the moment arrives.

Visitor: You mean, my initiative is not needed?

Mother: if you believe that your initiative would help, try it child! But I feel that there is no initiative which is ours. Our attempt is clear to us, but not the initia tive that prompted it. Our legs walk, but we do not see the force that moves them. Hence we feel that legs walk by themselves. We can’t help thinking so. Though our initiative is not at all there, it appears as if it is all. And this happens not only to you, but to all.

Visitor: Then, do you recommend my sitting quiet, waiting for that moment to arrive, without any kind of trial?

Mother: (Laughing) I don’t think that even sitting idle is possible, and achievement alone isn’t. Sitting idle too is not in your hands! Though we see every time that achievement is not due to our initiative, the great Initiative which alone is, creates this worry for a trial and attempt in us. free even for a second. It does not leave anyone

Visitor: You say then, all, all, is God’s work?

Mother: What else is it then?

Visitor: You want that we should believe in fatalism?

Mother: Whether we believe or not, fate certainly is. 

Visitor: What do you say about Sadhana?

Mother: That too can be accomplished only if that Power makes it possible. You would have read many books, and heard many scholars. You could plan and do sadhana along one of these paths that appeals to you most! Why are you not able to do? But don’t think that I attribute even that weakness to you. That which has given you this idea of doing sadhana, That which prompted you this idea of doing sadhana along one particular line, That same power gives you the weakness of not being able to do it.. And in these sadhanas too, there isn’t a great one and a small one. Whatever has been possible for you to co always with devotion, that one is great.

Visitor: Then Mother, is there no guru, and no disciple? 

Mother: It is being said from housetops that there are gurus. and that one must necessarily become a disciple to le able to progress. Why contradict all that? In my view, God alone is the guru. When one could feel like that, then only is he a true disciple. We hear it in the sloka itself: Guruh saakshaathpara brahma’. When one is in that position, he is himself the Lord visible before you. Whatever he says is mantra; there is nothing like his giving one particular mantra. He who tells a traveller ‘Go this way, not that,’ is not a guru, he is only a guide. The true gura is alwa aware of what a mantra is, and why it is to be given. Never would he say that this mantra is powerful and not that; the former guru is no guru and he alone is. Anybody who gives just a mantra can’t be called a guru.

The gentleman kept silent for sometime. He said at last. “I am not able to do any sadhana, Mother. But, I would very much like to know what is and what is not.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he said this.

Mother moved Her hand gently on his head, saying, “It will show Itself, Child! You did not have this desire from the beginning of your life, did you? It came in after some time. It wasn’t so worrying till now: only now it is getting to be that. There is always some interval, a passage of time. This Time’ governs all. When the moment for your knowing arrives, It will reveal Itself.”

(Translated from Kumari’s Diary]

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