[These two letters picked up from Mother’s mail, illustrate the hesitancy of visitors to express themselves freely before Her. The first one feels the absence of progress in Sadhana, the second is not at ease in his profession. “Do what is possible to you and that would be alright: The power that created the desire in you for this or that, will get done the needful”this is her likely reply. – Editor.]
The sacred feet of Mother,
Thousands of pranaamams. I am deadly anxious for your darshan Mother. I yearn to reach your presence as early as possible and stay near your feet. But my coming and not coming are all for you to plan. After three long months You granted me a darshan recently. But I had not the ability to follow or understand what you said. Amma, when I can come to you next time, kindly grant me the opportunity of putting before you, my anguish. I am afraid, whether my not going forward is due to some flaw, -unknown to me in my attempts. To whom can I represent my troubles if not to mother? Who can lead me to progress in my sadhana except you? So Mother, kindly allot some time, maybe hours, I am not myself in a state to decide that. Mother dear, kindly grant me that opportunity. Shower kindly light on me, who am not able to know what actually I need, and Requesting to be helped to your presence, unable to ask.
My namaskarams to your lotus feet. I came to you in April ’61 for the first time but that day I was unable to touch. your feet for namaskaar. With that failing worrying me, I cried “I believed you were just a pure soul but it did not occur to me, that you are the Mother of the worlds. Ah me, so unfortunate as not to have bowed before your feet.”
I am I made up for that omission in January 1963, but I was hesitant to talk with you and hear your nectar words. at present a tutor in-lur.. I do not know at what inopportune moment I joined duty here, I am unable to do my work to my satis faction. Sometime ago, I had even resigned my job, but. I had again to take up service. I do not know why I am spending my time quite against my liking. Is my desire to live a sacred life in a peaceful atmosphere never to be fulfilled Mother? I am some times feeling like ending this kind of dragging on by going home to take up agriculture. But I am not able to decide. You alone know how our lives are going to shape. We do not know even, what is going to happen the next moment. That is why I request you to kindly give me a directive as to whether I should continue here, or go home and settle down for agriculture.