I visited Jillellamudi on the evening of 16th February 2002. On the third day of my stay (on 18th Feb) after performing abhishekam of AMMA at the temple. I went to meditate in ‘Vatsalya Layam’ as I had done the previous two days. As it was not yet open. I went into the Dhyana Mandir’ and spent some time meditating on AMMA. Just as I was leaving. I bowed to pay obeisance to AMMA’s statue when my face seemed to be forcibly pushed towards the big black and white photo of young AMMA seated on a mat (originally with Rajamma). My gaze was suddenly engaged by young AMMA’s two real eyes staring intensely and forcefully at me from the photograph! The enclosed poem is the true description of what followed after the vision I experienced with open eyes! Therefore AMMA in youthful form is referred to in the starting of the second paragraph of the enclosed poem. Myriad faces of AMMA flashed across her face with great speed in the photograph. What followed was a great arousal of ‘Kundalini’ with intense visions where things mentioned in the enclosed poem were revealed to me. It was my mother who came knocking on the doors of my consciousness even as I was feeling sad that I had missed the opportunity of meeting AMMA in person during earlier times. I have had the good fortune of experiencing AMMA simultaneously as the stupendous. pure and young Shakti and as the divine creatrix and Mother of the universe!
The whirlpools of thine eyes. thine eternal smiles.
Rend my heart of its substance with empty cries.
Compelling me with thine intense eyes.
From within and without. your gaze ignites,
My rasping breath is now rapid within.
My mind collapsed between my eyes.
Steadfast remained my gaze therein.
You then appeared. O! All devouring mother!
Drawing my life breath into the deep.
In the saffron skies of mySelf and matter,
Cold and hot currents surged to meet,
Arousing the great serpent of fire.
Ruthless fountains of volcanic flame leapt.
Vigorously piercing and ascending within,
Vibrating and hissing rose up my spine.
Striking and striking the lightning within,
Then came the great thunder and rain,
Sounds profound and the silence of ‘OM,
On my palate then ambrosia you poured,
A brilliant subtle thread of majestic light.
Relishing like a suckling child I devoured,
Of your effulgent Self with great delight.
Becoming nothing, I gained everything.
Becoming myself, your love retained!
Now opening my eyes to thine youthful form!
O! Shakti! Pure! Unalloyed! Brilliant! Omnipotent! And Sharp!
My gaze you wholesomely beckoned,
Unto your eyes where eternities embark!
My being you like whirlwind suctioned,
Deep into the vortex of thine impeccable Self,
Stupendous, vast, eternal and profound!
There my breath is like the reins you held.
My mind into your lotus heart.
Dying within you, I thus became,
Pure and unalloyed as I passed,
Bereft of breath and mind, all the same,
I found myself engrossed again.
All veils castaway, O! Divine lover!
Overwhelmed by your consummating flame,
Undifferentiated now I discover.
The paradox of infinite and its center.
When the mind is ‘I’ centered.
Frontiers of Self it doth lay.
Can the infinite then have fetters,
Or its center is a point to stay?
For when this self is a form possessed.
I stood differentiated and got measured!
The infinite hath not its center as mind,
Nor its center in a single point,
Yet many a point anywhere in the infinite.
As its centers are all qualified!
I am the paradox of the center of infinite,
Either nothing or everything all the time!
I always art though, O! Supreme Mother!
Transcending placenta, eggs, seeds and all.
Beyond the ocean of milk, subtle and farther,
I am “THAT”, yet pervading all.
There I saw you in Siva’s breath,
As Siva’s ‘prana’ you then emerged,
From thee O! Shakti, all took birth,
In Siva’s image multitudes emerged,
Of yourself your love as children born.
Differentiating yourself with manyness adorn,
With undifferentiated love pervading all myriad forms!
Thus bestowing to mine eyes thine formless form,
Of ‘OM’ and ‘MA’ merging in ‘AMMA’ divine,
Ultimate lover and mother thou enshrine.
Forever shall blossoms of divinity sow and reap,
The harvest of your love is all pervading and deep!
Now veiling all in the name of ‘taruna’.
Revealing, obscuring, hiding and seeking,
All is your bidding and thine ‘karuna’.
O! You the stupendous enchanter God!
Oblivious of origin, myself in fetters gaunt,
The deep natal cries of my longing,
Drag deeper throes into my heart that haunt.
Deluge of tears welled up my being,
Tormenting and stifling this restless heart.
In my subtle breath though I seeketh,
With the systole and diastole of my heart’s call,
Merged in my pulsations you I findeth.
Projecting and withdrawing this cosmos and all,
You are the tendencies, momentum and the drift,
Obeisance to you, O! Mother of all!
My pulsations and breath are your dance and song,
And the drift of your love, Siva’s dance and dawn!