Shall I rest alone in THY crystal
Clear, still, wide unbound universal self?
Shall I sing alone when my stony heart
Bleeds venting itself in rush and torrents,
And play its lonely tune in this dark
Midnight, placed amidst the wide open skies?
Oh! Mother, with my pining heart play
Upon the tales of pain and trauma verily
Lurking behind THE aura of glory, ignorant me
Perched in the halo of THY ever luminescent radiance?
While your vistas of wisdom and the
Beams of effulgence light the whole cosmos
Myself treading in the thick, unlit dark midnight
Sing alone venting my petty ignorance openly?
Oh! AMMA, shall I sing alone,
Tread alone seeking the timeless truth,
While away this dreary life alone,
In desolate solitude, longing for THY illumining caress?
AMMA, as the mother of all and the personification of universal motherhood, is but the wide ageless, timeless cosmic self that contains all; in its entirety includes us all and the whole existence, verily the extant order. The individual is but the tiny, transient self passing away with time who, ever longs to seek repose and rest in the larger eternal self that being the divine, the MOTHER, AMMA here.
The constant plea and the urge, the pining of this petty self is only for such fusion with the divine, which is the ultimate liberation in this earthly human life. Here, Brother Raju reflects on this continual quest over the ages and sketches its nuances and sings on the undercurrents of such a course. The little egoistic individual freeing itself from all bondage and fusing in the timeless, infinite, all pervasive divine SELF, the GOD termed the ‘Parmathman’, ‘Parabrahman’ or other kindred terms in the ancient texts and the scriptures.
While truly as pronounced by AMMA, “I am that I am”, the compendium, the amalgam of all the surrounding ‘I’s in this given order, “I am the ONE THAT IS THE SUMMATION OF ALL THE OTHER ‘I’S” as declared by AMMA in clear terms. Granting this prevailing truth, the individual self ever longs to fuse in the eternal larger ‘SELF’ of AMMA.
In this effort the stony heart of the individual hardened in this world of base instincts and sensuous impulses, bleeds, that is pines expressing itself in a spree of rush and torrents ever eager to reach its end and attain the final goal of liberation. While striving so the person rues that he is much alone, and single in his pursuit amid the wide, open, infinite space of this universe. He laments that he sings and expresses his muse within all alone with little choice? The implied meaning is that he is alone in his spiritual path, with the self struggling and pining on the course.
Even so, AMMA is the very light dispelling darkness. HER radiant presence causes light and glory to the whole cosmos. Yet, lurking behind such glory and effulgence there are pains and struggles which AMMA has endured and passed through much known to the close near and dear of which Brother Raju is the very fortunate, blessed being. He empathized, sung such saga as the blessed exceptional contemporary.
This causes empathy among the close few surrounding AMMA to which Brother Raju alludes. Being the mere human unable to remove the same empathize, pained and troubled within over their incapacity as also the touching reality of the situation in which the all pervasive, all permeating AMMA is placed.
Though, AMMA termed this process as schooling in pain. Pains sublimate this little self just as the sculpture suffers the chisel to gain its beauty out of the crude rock. Such pain and the empathy of the close onlookers sublimate them too.
Another perspective of AMMA undergoing pains and hardships is to mitigate the same for the troubled and suffering mankind around her. AMMA once declared that when we are not there, AMMA too does not have any pains or the so called ills and illnesses. “When you are not there the so called pains and illnesses too cease to be” (AMMA)
Deeply reflecting on this agonizing reality Brother Raju finds solace that this existence is lightened and well lit by the effulgent rays of AMMA as also the boundless, bounteous motherly grace of AMMA cast on the entire given order. Thus the darkness of ignorance and nescience (Avidya) are driven away by the mere presence and timeless being of AMMA in this creation.
Reconciling himself to this comforting truth and timeless grace of AMMA, Brother Raju deeply introspects whether he should sing alone this difficult but redeeming truth, while away his lone dreary life and stride alone on this difficult, verily trying path in pursuit of the eternal, limitless, all encompassing SELF OF AMMA. Thus, the little self longing in this fleeting life span pining for the motherly gracious touch and the endearing tender caress of AMMA. As also, he eagerly awaits the ultimate liberation and fusion with AMMA.
(Adapted from Song NO.6, “Ekakini Mildura Chendena From ‘ANAUBHAVA SARAM’ penned by Brother Mannava Butchiraju Sarma. Also gratefully acknowledge the reference to the work ‘LO CHOOPU’ of Brothers, AVR Subramaniam and Ravuri Prasad)