You asked me in your last letter to narrate how it Well, you happened to me to go to Jillellamudi and write also the first experience I had after seeing Mother. know how difficult it is to impress one’s experience upon others, with only words to help. The difficulty is all the more, when the experience is one in the presence of divinity. At the same time, something tells me that when it is a question of putting into words a divine experience. It is not we that write the account. The expression comes from outside. So I venture to take up this task inspite of the meagre expression at my command.
Before I actually narrate my experience at Jille Ilamudi, I have to tell you the course of events that took place earlier. These indications of my journey to Mother’s abode, I could mark only after going there.
When I was in the final M.Sc. class, one Swamiji came to the University and delivered a lecture on “Brahman and its attributes.” At the end of the lecture he said that he has seen God in the form of Mother and that Mother talks with him almost everyday. He invited questions from the audience. One of the stu dents asked the Swamiji “In what language does the Mother speak to you?” The President Prof. Venkata raman replied “The Mother speaks to her child in the child’s language. This I narrated because this was the first step in my getting introduced to Mother with physical form.
While in that final year class, I was in the habit of rising early from bed and chanting Sri Venkateswara suprabhatam, and also visiting the Venkateswara temple every Saturday. One morning, a senior friend of mine gave me his marriage card and asked me not to fail to attend, as the place itself was to be specially visited by people like me. This he said as he perhaps marked my above said habit. I asked him what that place was, he said it is Jillellamudi. He left without another word of explanation about that place,not answering my questions. What is the importance of that place? What is the speciality of the place which person’s like me should visit.? But with the significant assertion, “You will come to know, when you visit the place,” he said.
After my examinations, I returned to Parchur, a place near Bapatla, where my father was working as a doctor. In our house, I saw a new photo in the pooja mandiram. My parents told me that it is the photo of the Mother at Jillellamudi (Mother of Brahmandam Subbarao, a boyhood friend of mine). Subsequently after we returned from a marriage celebration, my parents said that we would be going to Jillellamudi on may 5th, when poojas will be performed by many, including Sri. A. Narayanarao of our place. Arrange ments were made but we could reach that place only by 9.30 or 10 A. m., four hours later than planned. I met my friend Subbarao several years ago, and was surprised to see that he was the first to greet us at that place. At a distance, some people were doing bhajan chanting Mother’s name. There was a dias on which a chair was placed, and covered with draperies and decorated. All was kept ready for pooja. Women were moving in and out of a small hut, saying now “Mother is taking a bath” and then, “Mother is getting ready” etc.
All of a sudden, those that gathered in the vera ndah started ringing bells and one started blowing a conch. I saw a figure coming out of the room. She had a brilliance in her face, which I never saw before, and a grace about her that I am not able to describe. One young man was carrying dhoop as she was led to the dias. She sat and poo’a was performed. I was quietly looking at what all was happening. I have not heard earlier about poojas beeing offered to human beings. The pooja was over, She withdrew into her room and the doors were closed behind her. They said she would give darshan again after her bath. It was about 3-0, clock and we all partook in the dinner served to the thousands attending that day. At about 4. 0 P. M. Mother gave darshan. My father took me into the room and introduced me to her. I sat very near to her as she sat on a cot.
In the night, as I had already mentioned, there was to be performed, a pooja with roses by Sri. A Narayanarao at 7. 00 P. M. Roses were to be got from Vijayawada. It was 6. 0. P. M. and yet no arrived. Mother was taking a bath and getting ready roses had for poo a. That poor worshipper was running hither and thither, not knowing what he could do without the flowers. At that time even buses were not running to schedule along that route. He asked Mother what he could do, he was preparing to send someone to Retur, on a bicycle. Just then some man arrived on a cycle with a flower basket and said that he was asked to hand it over at Jillellamudi. The bus people made it over to the hotelmen, who in their turn asked this chap to hand it over at Jillellamudi. The flowers were fresh, as if they had been just plucked from the plants.
Now all was ready for pooja. Closed doors were opened with the ringing of bells and blowing of a conch. Mother came out and this time her brilliance was altogether different even as her attire was. She was garlanded and led to the dias, with dhoop carried by one before her. She had put on a rose coloured saree and jacket. Sri Narayanarao started the pooja with roses. I was sitting quiet at a distance from the dias and kept looking at Mother. After some time, She started looking into me. Even from such a distance, I could clearly see, She was looking into my eyes! Tears started rolling down my cheeks, I didn’t know why. They were not born of grief, they were not tears of joy. He was giving Haarati. I saw her former figure disappear, I didnt know when it happened, and in her place was a figure, the like of which I have never seen. I am not able to describe that. I was wondering what happend to her former appearance; I rubbed my eyes and saw still, that NEW figure. It was some time before I could discern the former calm figure of Mother looking quietly at me. It was like a dream! After this bit of exeperience in the immediate presence of Mother, I started a number of times to Jillellamudi and had darsan of divinity with form. I can now say that this is the only place, where you can experience the highest and purest affection that is Motherly and that showers on you in spite of your defects, physical, mental or moral.