I would like to share with you in brief how I served Mother and how I understood her. I came to the Mother for the first time in 1954. In those days there were hardly any people around her. I was fortunate to spend almost all the time with her, except when I slept. At that time, like the kitten that follows the mother cat, I was always moving around her. In 1956 an incident took place.
At that time Mother used to step into Samadhi very often. During that time she would speak to some great saints. She used to speak in many languages – Telugu, English, Hindi, Urdu etc. I could not follow her conversation as the language and the words spoken were not familiar to me. I could recognize the languages of Telugu, Hindi, English, Urdu when spoken. She used to speak very softly. We used to keep our ears very close to her mouth and listened to her speaking. The strangest thing was, after Mother spoke, we could hear the replies of those Mahatmas. That used to surprise me. Some names like Shyamala, Koteshwar Rao, Satyanarayana were mentioned. She used to say “Shyamala is in Mahanandi, Satyanarayana is in Markapuram ”. I had unshaken faith in Mother. But I had a wicked idea. “Mother! You are speaking to someone. Similarly I too can speak with my eyes. Can’t I? Will you call that trance? What is the proof? need a definite confirmation”. Mother used to go out around 11 P.M. or stay at midnight and would return within an hour. I had a doubt. Was she really going out? Or was she trying to make us believe she was going out. To distrust Mother is a great sin. I said “Mother! I have faith in you. But I would like the faith to be firm and established. Today I am going to my place. You must come there”. I told her.
Faith – yes. Our whole life is based only on faith. Because of the faith that we are going to be alive next minute, we are able to sit here, we are able to take the next step forward in darkness. Because of the faith that the earth is flat. We are able to eat the food given by the wife because we have the faith that she would not mix any poisonous stuff in it. When we visit a hotel, we drink coffee with the faith that it is a fresh cup of coffee and not a discarded one because the previous customer found a fly in it and rejected it. So we need faith.
Kommuru is a village ten miles away from Jillellamudi. I used to work there for three month in a year, a seasonal job. Every Saturday evening I would go to Jillellamudi and leave on Sunday evening. I said to Mother “I am going to Kommuru today. You have to come there. You should not say ‘I was there dear. But you were amidst people talking to your father-in-law or your mother-in-law, so I could not meet you’ I shall wait for you in the cattle shed. You must come there between 8.30 and 9.00 P.M.. You have to come. That is my demand.” Mother agreed. My prostrations to her.
I went home happily, had a nice hot water bath and ate the hot food prepared by my aunt; I was still a bachelor then. I picked up a carpet, a bedsheet, a pillow and a cot and settled down in the cattle shed to sleep. The mosquitoes troubled me a lot. I covered myself with a sheet. It was 8.30 and Mother did not turn up. A buffalo and its calf made a mess of the place. The buffalo gave me a shower bath with its urine and a thrash with its tail. It was hell. I couldn’t care less whether Mother came or not. I was deeply hurt. It was 8.45 pm. Still Mother did not turn up. Now only 5 minutes are left before 9 pm. I was very sleepy. Then what Mother did was she hit me hard on my right upper arm and my hand became numb. When Mother hit me I heard the sound of the bangles. Mother used to use mysore sandalwood soap for baths. Moreover Mother’s soap had a special fragrance. Mixture of these fragrances, the sound of Mother’s bangles, the sound that came when she hit me, the numbness, all became evident. Immediately I looked at the main door of the house. There was none. Hasn’t Mother come? It was 9 pm. Then how did I get the smell? Is it my imagination? How did I hear the tinkling sound of the bangles? Is it my fancy? What about the sound when she hit me? Is it also my inference? Fine. Let us think that it was all because of my delusion. But how can I account for the numbness of my shoulder that lasted for nearly twenty minutes. I cannot disclaim that. The next Saturday I went to Mother. I did not broach the subject. During the conversation Mother said ” Dear! You wanted me to come and I promised. But at that time Nannagaru sent for me. On my way to him, just to indicate that I have come I hit you on your shoulder and went”. I felt happy. I felt I deserved only that much. Out of the five elements. I had the opportunity to experience only three (smell, sound and touch). But even this is good enough. I consoled myself and said “Mother! I will not ask you for anything in future”. Another experience. You won’t find it in any book. It is something very personal. In 1957, I had the job for three months in Kommuru. Then I had none. I was free.
In 1957 I heard that some of those temporary posts would be made permanent. My relative prompted me to request Mother to see that I would be made permanent – so that I can have stability in my life. I went to Jillellamudi many times. But I never broached the subject. I don’t know why.
But finally I did tell her. Then Mother said “If your name is in the list of those who would be made permanent, it will be done. But otherwise if your name is not there in the list, you expect that your name should replace someone else’s name which is already in the list. Is it not so?”. I did not give her any reply. Then she spoke again. “Look my dear! What will that person whose name has been deleted from the list think ‘Mother has deprived me of a morsel of food that I would have had and given it to him just because he visits her regularly. She has starved me’. Won’t his thoughts be these? If your positions were reversed would you want me to do it? Tell me I shall do as you say. Just tell me once. “I should get the post. I don’t care about what happens to others. Let them go to hell. But I want the job’ state this once. I shall do it. Should I?”. I was totally confused. I did not know what was happening. Why did I ask her for help for the permanent past and how well I was shut up! I was bewildered. She further added “as you have been coming to me, you are my child. He has not come to me. But that does not imply that he is not mine. So tell me. Do you still want me to help you ?” Then I said “Under no circumstances will you do such a thing. Let this happen the way they ought to. From today onwards I shall not ask you for anything; I promise you. Not that I am taking a vow. But take my word. I shall not ask you for anything. I don’t want any of my wishes to be fulfilled. Don’t do anything for me. I appeal to you.” A little while later Mother said “wait for three years dear. Your post will become permanent.”
This incident took place in 1957. 58, 59 and 60 passed by. In 1961 January my post was made permanent as predicted by Mother. That was the word given by Mother.
I did not take this matter lightly. As it reveals Amma’s Universal Motherhood. Her love for those who come to her and worship her and those who do not come to her is the same. Her universal love is something praiseworthy. One can find no equal to her. Hence at this point begins the meditation on Mother’s Universal Love.
Let me share with you my third and most significant experience. It was 1947. During that period there were no buses from Bapatla to Jillellamudi. Either you walked the distance or went by a bullock cart. Mother was going to Jillellamudi, of course hero mode of going was not of much significance. On the way there was a bush of prickly pears. God knows how, but Mother fell in the bush “I fell into the bush” said Mother. “Mother the thorns in the bush are long and short. How much pain you must have suffered. But how did it happen?” I asked.
She replied “True dear! The thorns are hard and pierce through the skin. It is painful no doubt. But you are concentrating on the fact that I have been hurt by the thorns. But you have not pondered over the other aspect. There are beautiful yellow flowers between the thorns and beside them are the berries. Do you know how soft the flowers are? You don’t They are as soft as the petals of a rose. I fell on them too. I fell on the thorns as well as the berries. The berries are very tasting. You can only think of the thorns hurting me. There is yet another point to ponder. Why does the prickly pears have thorns? The reason is every being wants to increase its tribe. It wants to protect its property. It makes an attempt to protect its species. The fruit breaks open and the seeds fly all over to increase its progeny. That is the plan in God’s creation. The thorns are the protective mechanism. The prickly pears bush is the Mother. So to protect its children she wears the armor of thorns. I fell on it. So they pricked me.” It is only because she is the Universal Mother, she could see the protective mother in the prickly pear and teach us about this concept. We are indeed blessed to be born as contemporaries of Mother and to have received her love and also the opportunity to serve her. Mother always analyzes every small aspect and the relationship between mother and child. The incidents narrated by me may appear to be small. But they help us to contemplate on the concept of Universal Motherhood.